What to Consider When Choosing a Guardian for Your Children

By Kendel Froese | June 14, 2022

Choosing a guardian for your children can be a difficult decision that requires a great deal of soul-searching. Plus, the fact that thinking about a guardian for your children also forces you to contemplate thinking about not being around to raise them, can make this decision very emotional. However, as tough as this choice may be, please do not be deterred from taking this important step. Below are 3 things I recommend you consider when choosing a guardian for your children.

1. Values

A few years ago, I was speaking with a friend who had two young children about whether he and his wife had estate planning documents that designated a guardian for their kids. He said they were having a hard time choosing because it was really important to them to designate someone who possessed the same values and interests as them. They wanted to designate someone who would encourage the kids to participate in the same types of activities they enjoyed doing, and to instill the same religious and political values. Certainly, designating guardians who share our values, or would at least enthusiastically encourage them with our children, are ideal. However, I also share this story as a gentle word of caution against getting too caught up in finding someone who would be a perfect replica of the upbringing you plan to instill in your children. While selecting a guardian who has a completely different worldview from your own may not be a good fit, and may not be an appropriate and true expression of your own values, it is important to be willing to compromise. At the end of the day, I think most parents would say they want a guardian who will ensure their children are raised in a safe and loving home. If you are considering someone to designate as a guardian for your children, I recommend having a conversation with them about (1) whether they would be willing to serve in that capacity, and (2) what your hopes would be for your children’s upbringing if you should pass away and this person needed to step in as guardian.

2. Location

It is certainly not uncommon to have family members and close family friends who span across the country or even across the globe, and thanks to technology, we are able to maintain close relationships with people who live hours away. This is a great benefit in expanding the possibilities of people who could serve as guardian for your children, but it does open up some complexities when you consider the family and friends your children have relationships with who live closer to home. If you designate a guardian who might live somewhere other than where your child’s life is set up, you may wish to discuss with your estate planning attorney including provisions in your Last Will & Testament for travel and related stipends to be paid for with the assets you leave in trust to your children. You can designate specific provisions for such travel, or provide general direction of your wishes but leave the particular details to the discretion of the trustee.

3. Existing Relationship

It’s an age-old movie trope: the eccentric, unreliable aunt or uncle whose long-lost sibling and their spouse tragically die in a terrible airplane accident… and unbeknownst to said unreliable aunt/uncle they have been designated as guardian for a slew of cute but havoc-causing kids. There are a number of cautionary points I can make from this comedic set-up (including the importance of giving your designated guardian(s) a heads up of their designation, and, even better - having a conversation with them prior to designating them), but for the purpose of this suggestion #3 I recommend considering a guardian who already has a relationship with your children. Even if it’s mainly a “we see each other at birthdays and Christmas” relationship, designating someone who is known to your children in some capacity is a consideration I recommend you include in your calculus of who to designate. And if your child is old enough, it can certainly be worth discussing with them who they might want to live with. I understand this can take an additional emotional toll, trying to explain to your child that there’s even a possibility you might not be around to raise them. However, if they are old enough, getting their input can be key to making a decision that you feel at peace with.

Froese Law is happy to discuss these considerations with you, and help you weigh what is most important to you in designating a guardian for your children.

I have been down this road myself, and am happy to share some of the considerations that were important to my husband and I in selecting a guardian and alternate guardians for our young children. To reiterate a point I made earlier, please do not allow your fear or indecisiveness to paralyze you from making this decision. You can always change your guardian designation in the future if you change your mind. Having a guardian designated, even if they might not seem “perfect”, is an important step in securing the future for your children and is truly an act of love and service for your kids.

For more information and to schedule a meeting with me, please contact me.